if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
