my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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