i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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