Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
