I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
