Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
