then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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