I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
