a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
