TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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