You work out of a Hotel?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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