nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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