We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
