There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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