so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
