is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
