i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
