Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
