your parents love me but you hate me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize