I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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