Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize