Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
