she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
