Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
