My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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