Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
