i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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