I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
