cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
