Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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