anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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