She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
