I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
