Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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