Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
