gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
