I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
