On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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