woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
