Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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