I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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