So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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