; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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