So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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