He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And then he peed in my hair
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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