Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
