I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
