The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need water and some morals
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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