At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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