just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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