I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
