A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Randomize
