I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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