Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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