My balls are so social today.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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