i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize