i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
